


Fixing Daryl Dixon

by TWDObsessive



Series: Being Daryl Dixon [5]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angry Daryl, Awkward Daryl, Caring, Caring Rick, Comfort/Angst, Daryl Has Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Daryl, Insecure Daryl, Love, M/M, Men Crying, Past Abuse, Poor Daryl, Rickyl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 18:13:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3987871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick tries to help Daryl fight some old demons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fixing Daryl Dixon

**Author's Note:**

> Completely unbeta'd cause I was bored and felt like posting something! Please forgive all errors!
> 
> (Running out of ideas for this series, but I was bored and craving some home-made Rickyl. Not as good as the other ones, but it's something!)

Can't think 'bout nothin' t'day. Ain't gonna be worth spit. Woke up later th'n I ever have in my whole life cause I was curled up with Rick draped over me and I ever' time I woke for a second I's so comfy I just dozed back off. Didn't wanna climb out from under Rick. Ever.

When Rick started squirmin' 'round wakin' up, my belly sank. He'd wanna get up and get ta work in the garden and I's gonna have ta wait all day to feel him again. He rolled off me, rubbin' at his eyes, smilin'.

"Mornin'" he says like it's just any other mornin'. And not the best mornin' ever. 

"Hi." I say peekin' out behind stringy hair that I know's goin' ev'ry which way.

He attacks me with kisses 's soon he's got the sleep crumbs rubbed out a' his eyes. And I'm hard a'ready. And it ain't just reg'lar mornin' wood. It's I want Rick Grimes 'gain wood. 

Wonderin' if now's to soon. Wonderin' if it be ok ta ask.

And when I press 'gainst him, I can feel he's hard too. 

"Let's do it 'gain." I say b'tween kisses. We's already naked anyway 'cept my shirt. Rick's actually. I's too stubborn to take off mine after I came on it tha night b'fore so Rick reached ta the floor to get his and told me to change it and he wouldn't look. 

Front's not too bad. Only a couple scars. Back's the bad part. But he didn't look anyway even tho I's facin' front. Let me sleep in it all night and it smells like him. I wanna sleep in his shirts now ev'ry night forever.

Rick seemed ta like my idea 'bout doin' it again and he's kissin' and groanin' and his body feels so good and warm 'gainst mine. Wish I could feel his chest 'gainst me too, but can't cause a' the shirt.

Then I hear Carl! Right on tha other side a' my curtain. "Hey, Daryl, you in there?"

Rick pulled off me with a smile and put a hand over his mouth like he's tryin' not ta laugh. I don't know what's funny. I'm 'bout ta have a heart attack. 

"'M Sleepin' Carl. Go away." I grunt tryin' ta sound groggy. 

"You seen my dad? Can't find him."

"Yah- he was by earlier. He's heading ta breakfast. He'll be down there. Go on now."

He heard Carl stomping away. 

Rick giggles. He thinks it's funny. I don't think it's funny at all. Hada lie. I like Carl and I forgot with all the kissin' and hard-ons lately that me an' Rick's r'lationship could 'ffect him too. What if he don't like me being with his dad. 

Hard-ons completely gone now fer sure. "Go on, git out a' here." I say kickin' at 'Rick. 

..,,,,,,

Later as I's busy tryin' ta 'void Carl and bein' careful 'a how I walk cause even though I loved having sex with Rick, I was a little sore. Totally didn't mind though. Would do it again in a second. Every night. I'd get use to it.

I got my crossbow and headed to the gates fer huntin' and heard Rick callin' for me. For a second I thought 'bout how he was sayin' it last night, sayin' my name all breathless and I got butterflies at tha memory.

Stopped and turned ta him comin' at me with a rifle. 

"What?" I ask.

"Wanna come with you today."

"An' leave yer garden?" I tease.

"Be ok without me for a day."

"You actually gonna help 'er just get in tha way?" I ask. Trying to be flirty but not sure I's quite pullin' it off.

"Does it matter?" Rick asked. He's definitely flirtin'. He knows how ta do it so's there's no question. And I know right away I's comin' back empty handed 'gain cause Rick'll talk tha whole time. 

Feels like I should be mad, cause I need ta hunt. Gotta provide er else there's no reason ta need me. But maybe's ok to take just one day off. Special day after all. Took a damn long time and the end of the world but I ain't a virgin no more.

As we walkin' through tha woods... well, I's walkin, Rick's clompin', I's startin ta wonder bout what we have. I's thinkin bout weddin's I seen on TV all 'honor and obey and love and cherish each other." W'th us it's more than any a' that old world shit. 

It's kill or die for each other. And I would for Rick. I don't know if he would for me and I kinda hope he wouldn't on account a' havin' Carl and Judy ta look after. But I like to think he'd try real hard to protect me. Then I feel like an idiot fer thinkin' 'bout marryin' Rick when I should be lookin' for tracks.

We got to a pond I been to lots a times. Didn't bring my fishin' gear though. Rick ain't been sayin' much and I should be glad he ain't scarin' any game away, but I always worry bout what he's thinkin' when he keeps it all ta hisself.

"You're quiet today," I say sittin' down by the lake. Just takin' five.  
He sits next ta me close.

"Lot on my mind." He says keepin' his eyes on tha water stead a' me an that has me worried he's hidin' somethin' in his eyes he don't want me ta read. 

"You mad?" I ask. Used ta people gettin' mad at me even if I can't quite figure why.

He smiles and gives me his eyes. "Daryl, what could you even come up with that would make you think I'm mad at you?"

I shrug. Could be anything. Maybe he's mad bout Carl almost catchin' us. Maybe he's mad bout me still havin' his shirt on like I's gonna steal it. Which, frankly, I been considerin'. Smells like him- sun and dirt and gun metal and a faint scent of Judith's spit-up. But it was a smell made me want to curl up and live in it forever.

I still ain't answered his question and he's waitin' on me. Patient like always. "Sometimes people get mad 'bout stuff I can't ever make sense of."

Rick's face was grim. Made me sad. "You mean like your Pa?" Rick said quiet.

And now I'm real angry and sad, don't like talkin' bout that shit and Rick knows it. He KNOWS it. 

I frown and throw a pebble into the water. I ain't gonna answer that and he should know.

"Daryl, It breaks my heart that you have so much pain in you and I can't fix it.

"Ain't nothin' you gotta fix." I say still not meetin' his eyes cause withholdin' my gaze is tha only real anger I could ever show him. An' even that I feel so guilty for.

"I love you. All of you. I don't care 'bout the scars on your back. Nothing I can do about them. But ya got scars in your heart and on your soul cause of 'em and that's what I owe you to fix.

"Ya don't owe me shit, Rick." I say guilty that I'm angry and angry that I'm guilty.

We sat for a while and let the topic bleed out an' die, Rick just watchin' me skippin' pebbles in tha water.

Then his voice gets lower, like his bedroom voice. "What did it feel like last night?"

I look at him ta make sure I understand tha question. And I can see in his deep blue pools that he's askin' bout the sex. Now THAT I'll talk about.

I grin and look away while I try ta figure out tha words. Kinda just wanna say 'good' but that ain't gonna be tha kinda answer Rick wants. He wants a real answer with feelin's and fancy words and I wanna answer good for him, so I think back and try real hard to remember it and how do you even use words for it?

Rick waits and starts tryin' ta skip a few rocks hisself.

"Felt like.." I start talkin' 'fore I even figured out my words cause I know I been takin so long. "Felt like I had e'rything a' you. Felt like I's just yours and ain't nothin' else in the world but you in me. Like we's almost just one thing together."

I was surprised to hear so many words comin' outa me and Rick was too. That I know. "Feel now like there's a piece a' me missin'. Empty. Want ya again so bad to fill me, make me feel like somethin'. Makes me know yer there ta feel ya like that an' I like ya there. Always like ya near as I can get ya." Still ain't gave him my eyes yet. But thought I might. 

Thought I'd give him something special like he gave me. So I look him in the eyes so our ocean blues is connected and say it. "Love you." And I look away real quick lettin' my hair fall in my face.

Rick gets up and sits behind me, legs out next ta mine, chest pressed to my back and arms wrapped 'round and huggin' 'gainst my belly. Surroundin' me completely. Feels safe. Feel his breath on my neck.

"Daryl, I want all of you." He whisperers.

"Y'already have it." I say 

"I don't. You won't let me all the way inside. Want to comfort you so badly."

I sigh cause I know where this was goin' again. It's a trick.

"What do you want Rick?" I said resigned. "I'll give it to you, ok." I love him and this seems important to him. He knows I don't want it but thinks he can fix somethin'. It won't hurt to let him try so he can understand it ain't a fixable thing.

"Wanna feel your back against my chest he says and I feel him pull his shirt off, leavin' it laying in dirt and autumn leaves. He hugs 'gainst me tight even though I still have on the shirt. And he don't say nothin'.

We sat like that neither a' us movin' or talkin' for a long time.

My mind's a swirl a' past and present, pain and pleasure. And I think, I could pull my shirt off for Rick and press my back inta him so he can feel me but not see. Like a compromise.

I do it. I move slow and hesitant and pull it off, quickly pressin' 'against him. Rick groans and the warmth of his chest against my back was like bein' tucked inta bed when yer sick. 

I swallowed hard. 

"You feel ok against me?" Rick coo's into my ear. I nod my head. Too many thoughts swirl to be able to form words that will make any kinda sense.

His hands are all over me. Feeling my belly, tops of my hips, my chest, rubbing his thumbs over my nipples and givin me chills. 

His hands go to my shoulders and he's massgin' on me. Feels nice. Specially cause a how sore I get from tha crossbow. But I still try pushin' tha rest of my back 'gainst him so he can't see.

He's massagin' so deep I get lost. And he's pressin' so hard I start leanin' forward and his chest pulls 'way from my back and I'm bare and cold and exposed there. I try not to cry, cause now l'm leanin' forward w'thout him 'gainst me and there's no two ways 'bout it. He sees. 

He's lookin' close. See's every line, every burn, every belt buckle imprint. Every damn ugly scar. Every time I's so weak and couldn't stand up. And just took it cause I's nothin' but a burden, couldn't do nothin' right. Everythin' bad ever happened's always my fault and even with punishin' like this I's still too damn dumb to learn better and to do right tha next time.

I know he hear's me sobbin' and I don't even care. He already sees I'm weak and helpless, can't be no s'prise that I'm a cry baby.

"It's ok," Rick whispers as his hand runs down flat against my ugly back like he ain't tha least bit 'fraid ta touch me. 

"Daryl," he says, "You never did nothin' ta d'serve this. This ain't your shame. It's your pa and your momma's shame." 

Rick ran his hands over my back, soft and light, not stopping at any scars in particular. Just rubbing the whole back like tryin' to console me like he's been wantin' ta do. Or maybe tryin' ta erase 'em.

I let 'im cause it's Rick and it's what he wants even though it makes me cry. I's waitin' for him ta get fed up and snap at me ta stop my damn cryin'. But he don't do that. Cause he's Rick and he's d'ferent than anyone else I ever known. 

'Stead, he says it's ok to cry and he turns me in his arms hugging me, my bare chest 'gainst his bare chest and his hands rubbin' on my back like it's just any old back and not mine that looks like a monster. 

And Rick's cryin' too now and he don't even have no memories ta cry over. His is just tears fallin' quiet. A manly cry. Not like mine with burned red eye rims, heaving sobs, snot and hiccups.

He's got me so wrapped tight in his arms I might hafta struggle away ta breath. I'm 'bout all dry a' tears and Rick's still hugging, running one hand along my back and the other in my hair and pressin' my head to his chest.

"Daryl it's ok. It's over. No one is EVER gonna hurt you again. You are strong, and smart and a survivor. And even if you don't believe in yourself, you have me. And I believe in you. And I would kill anyone who laid a hand on you, Daryl. I'd kill 'em with my bare hands and not think twice. I love you. I want you, Daryl. Every inch of you. Every part of your body and every thought in your mind. Every beat of your heart. I want everything. Everything that is you."

And it all sounds so damn pretty on his lips and I feel his heart beating from our chests touchin' together.

"Will all of you be mine?" He asked rubbing my back and I figured out his puzzle. He wanted me to give my back over ta him so it don't belong to my pa no more. Sounds like shrink stuff and I wonder what Carol will say bout all this cause she don't know it yet but she's gonna have pile a' bawlin' Daryl Dixon ta deal with when we get back.

"You still want me even with a back looks like Frankenstein and bein' a crybaby ta boot?"

"I want you because you are Daryl and your back is Daryl and your eyes are Daryl and your face is Daryl and your heart is Daryl." As he said all the nice things 'bout me he touched each spot. 'Gainst my back, wiped away tears still stained by my eyes, put his hand on my cheek like his first ever touch on me and then on my chest feelin' my heart.

"I ain't got good words ta use, Rick." I say. And I ain't cryin' no more cause my mind is overflowin' with love a' Rick. "Want you to have it all."

And he smiled, all teeth and moist eyes crinkled. And he kisses me softly and looks deep into my eyes.

I know my hurt 'bout tha past ain't disappeared completely. But it ain't bottled up anymore 'least.

"Rick," I say. 

"Yes?"

"I'm happy. Thank you for making me happy."

**Author's Note:**

> I know- this series is starting to stagnate but I kinda fell in love with the concept of it. Thought I could try to squeeze one more out of it, but I don't know that it turned out as good. What do you all think?


End file.
